In the memory of a childhood friend

Some people come into our lives and we can’t stop thinking about them. That’s the kind of person he was. Simple.....yet so beautiful; far.....yet so near.

We all, at some point in our lives meet a person who changes us completely. Someone who makes us feel the need to be a better person. It seems as if life would have no meaning without them. That person could be a sibling, a parent, a crush...anyone. In my case it was a friend.

N.P. as he was fondly called by his buddies was my childhood friend. We joined school on the same day. We would end up talking for hours, sharing our darkest secrets and gossiping about all sorts of stuff. He was the kind of person who could really cheer you up on a dull day; just the kind of person anyone would happily agree to spend time with.

But like all good things our friendship eventually came to an end. As we grew up the 'hellos' were replaced by formal 'good mornings'. We grew up some more. He moved to a different school and I started leading a different life. Still, I never forgot him.

One sunny afternoon I saw him at the neighborhood market, standing approximately hundred yards away from me. Too afraid to initiate a conversation (mostly because of the fear of not being recognized by him), I decided to ignore him and started walking away. Just then I heard him call my name and turned around to see if it really was him. Did he still remember me? Yes, he did! We chatted for half an hour, just like the old times. Then I bid him good bye, promising to see him soon (Facebook and cell phones were not so popular back then).

Years passed and I never heard from him.

Then one day, just before the class ten board exams a friend informed me that N.P. was no more. He went on a vacation to Goa with his family to celebrate Christmas and drowned at the beaches on 25 December. His family found his body the next day.

I miss him, always did, always will. I wish I could tell him how good it was to have him as a friend. But by now he probably knows.
Flipping through the pages of the old school yearbook brought back memories of him.

Rest in peace my friend. I know you are in a better place even though its not here with us. Your presence still lingers here but I wish you could stay longer.

Maybe...

You know how parents say - " you're too young to understand", "when you get older" or "you're no ready for it yet"? Well, they never told us that the shift from the symbolic "young" to the much-awaited "adult" will not have a transition period. It is just thrust on you when you least expect it. All you can do is do your bit in the unfolding of events and go along with the tide... Or you can make a mark in the world to claim "Here...here is where I had stood against those who were there only to pull me down from my goals."

A time comes in life, when you start to question the meaning of your very existence .. That maybe, for all the glamour that others see in your life, maybe you are nothing at all -- that maybe it's the pomp and show that is the facade and you yourself have no essence; no value in life...

Truths

More than once in life I've seen

things are never what they seem - 

they seem so full of life to us

that we hurtle into dark and thus

are never able to understand 

that there are both sides to a hand:

one with palm, that only gives

other, hard truth, that only lives

on taking that which many hold

close to chest, dearer than gold,

in the minds' most sacred parts,

in the deep chasms of our hearts.

Moving Pictures...

Try out this video - I watched it the first time about 4 years ago, and it still makes me emotional. Gotta admire the lead actor...

The Traffic Warden

Red Silhouette

Apprehension...

You know that feeling that you get when you have sent a letter/sms/email to someone you consider special, and it feels like eternity just waiting for them to reply? 

Well, I'm talking (or writing, to all the sticklers for grammar...) about two things. First, I can see that there are people viewing the blog, and then if there are no comments.... it makes the authors' collaboration feel apprehensive and it also makes them consider deactivating the blog altogether. So, comments would be appreciated. 

Secondly, the feeling of waiting is getting the better of me as I have to keep waiting for the guy I like to realize that I do actually like him! It's frustrating! I'm sure there are many of us in the world who would do anything to get noticed by that one someone, to go to any lengths... but it turns out to be all in vain... Worse still is the fact that no matter how much I tell myself - "Just forget him. There are plenty others in the world." - the fact remains that if he even gives me a call, I'm compelled to pick up and rush to his side... Sucks being struck this way, right? 

Red Silhouette

Obscured Faiths

"Fear will keep you prisoner,

Hope can set you free."

These were the fabled words

that were taught to me.

Endearingly they made their way

into my childish dreams

of childish ways and childish hopes,

hopes that always seemed

a way to reach my golden dreams,

a haven in my youth.

Who knew what I know now -

the deepest, darkest truth.

I thought hope was the sweetest bud,

ready to bloom to spring,

I thought it was the happiness

an infants' smile can bring.

I thought it would clear my mind,

and make me meet my ends;

I thought hope then to be

that on which I could depend

I have come to see since then

there is no reason in such pursuit,

no reason to rely on naught,

none to claim the fruit.

For as we have been seeded, sowed

then grown to His full delight

grown we may well have been but,

as a bird who knows not flight.

Never to see the real world

the land of our fated birth,

never to feel it for what it is

this land that we call Earth.

This land with all it's ups and downs

and choices in between;

This land with blades at our heels

edge'd with moonlit sheen.

As the bird first hatch, then grows

and then begins to fly,

pulled back down to Earth it was,

not to reach above knee high.

And even if it raise its head

it must look to ground,

suffer all the colors of life

and still make not one sound.

Yet for all we do for Him,

He does not seem to see:

there is just this One chance in life,

One chance to be this Free.

As Free as the mighty beasts

pounding across the soils,

Free as the winds on the dunes

and sand that turns and toils.

There will never be this One again

the greatest time of all,

where we stand up for ourselves

and do not give in to gall.

Nor do we give in to those

trying to right us from the wrong,

we do not give up to life -

we stand and we stand strong.

But say as they do who drew the World

and made it into our Earth:

"There can only be one pursuit in life,

on charge given from birth"

There can never be any done

to rid ourselves of said burden,

there will be no end to pain,

no return from our Verdun.

As we who chose to come ourselves

onto this cursed land,

we chose it of our own Free will,

brought ourselves in hand in hand.

Red Silhouette

Misunderstanding

There is a lot in life that we don't understand. There is a lot in life that others don't understand. But the worst misunderstanding is when you misunderstand people, become prejudiced and start stereotyping. When I went to my two final years in a new school, I reserved my judgement as I was new. After two years, when I finally passed out of 12th, my newly-acquired friends confessed to thinking that I was a vain and proud student. And I know that they know that I'm not.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that there will be many people all over the world who try to bring you down on purpose. There will be even more people who would do that without actually realizing it. All you can do is....."suck it in, and tell the truth!" But make sure that you do not do to others what you don't want to be done to yourself. Does that even make sense? I hope so, because that is one of the fundamental ideal of my life, and I live by it.
I have a composition based on what I am trying to say, I hope it will make everything clearer when you read it in a while...
Red Silhouette