Lessons to be learnt

The last few days have made me-stronger, lonelier. I lost a friend in a car crash. He was my age, handsome, cheerful, loyal and was the only family-friend i really got along with. With him, I didn't have to force a grin at a boring party. He understood what it was like to be a teenager. But now next time I attend another family get-together, I know he would not be there.

Their are two kinds of plans- one that we make for ourselves and the other that God makes for us. Only one out of the two is successful and that plan is never ours. 

No matter what I think I will be or who I will be, the future is not in my hands. So I must live in the present. We all must.

Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. But today is a gift and that is why it's called present. 

Why? -- II

You can't do this to a girl. You can't expect to tell her that you "really like liked" her and hope for her not to remember. Especially if you were her first crush, maybe more. 

There really is nothing about you that I can list as OUT OF THE ORDINARY, yet I find myself falling for you every time. My usually level head spins, and my stomach starts to do cartwheels of their own accord. I bet I even blanche out when I see you anywhere nearby.

I want to be with you so much that there seems to be a constant ache, an yearning... At first, in the first few weeks, I didn't understand it. I was younger. I just thought... I don't even remember what I thought. Now after another 2 and a half years, the ache is everywhere - my mind, my heart, my soul? The further apart we go, I feel like something is tearing me inside... like I'm tethered here but the pull toward you is too strong, and I'll rip apart.

My insatiable thirst cannot be quenched by anything around me. If only you would come back to me, I would do all I can to make things better for you and me. I can not, try as I may,  forget each and every word from your lips, the mischief that played in your eyes, your carefully casual demeanor.

You can't imagine how hard it is to STAY without you, away from you. You have an excuse - you don't have my number anymore. But I still have yours. There really is no easy way to put this in writing is there? But I'm sure my emotions are just heightened and exaggerated. I can keep writing about you, but the fact remains that no amount of written words will make you appear in front of me. You don't think of me at all, do you? You have her.





Red Silhouette

Why? -- I

There is only so much that can take a mind off of things. Things you would rather not think about, things that you are not supposed to think about, things that you cannot think about. 

But now the time has come for that barrier to break, for the curtains to withdraw and the memories to fill my mind once again...

Red Silhouette

Wishes

There are so many things in life that I want to try - to feel the rushing of the wind as I fly out of a plane with a parachute, to feel the rain on my face as I lie on a bullock cart with hay beneath me, to be able to swim further than I have ever before, to be loved by those around me and be able to call that one place my home... 
I want to shout out to the world that I am ready for you, ready for anything that you throw at me. I am ready for any more of the pain that you might want to channel my way. I want to tell the world that I am not as feeble as I look, that I will grit my teeth and do all I can and more. That I will never give up, never will I stop dreaming and never, till my last breath, stop living.
I want just these simple things in life, but the expectations of a teenager would not make enough of a dent in the iron rod of History, so why bother with giving them even a moments' notice? But then again, a wish is a desire of a simple heart not yet accustomed to the ways of the world.




Red Silhouette 

Footprints...

Here's a story I wanted to share...

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed

he was walking along the beach with the LORD.


Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.



When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.


He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.



He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.


This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:


"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."



The LORD replied:


"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."
               
                                Author unknown

In the memory of a childhood friend

Some people come into our lives and we can’t stop thinking about them. That’s the kind of person he was. Simple.....yet so beautiful; far.....yet so near.

We all, at some point in our lives meet a person who changes us completely. Someone who makes us feel the need to be a better person. It seems as if life would have no meaning without them. That person could be a sibling, a parent, a crush...anyone. In my case it was a friend.

N.P. as he was fondly called by his buddies was my childhood friend. We joined school on the same day. We would end up talking for hours, sharing our darkest secrets and gossiping about all sorts of stuff. He was the kind of person who could really cheer you up on a dull day; just the kind of person anyone would happily agree to spend time with.

But like all good things our friendship eventually came to an end. As we grew up the 'hellos' were replaced by formal 'good mornings'. We grew up some more. He moved to a different school and I started leading a different life. Still, I never forgot him.

One sunny afternoon I saw him at the neighborhood market, standing approximately hundred yards away from me. Too afraid to initiate a conversation (mostly because of the fear of not being recognized by him), I decided to ignore him and started walking away. Just then I heard him call my name and turned around to see if it really was him. Did he still remember me? Yes, he did! We chatted for half an hour, just like the old times. Then I bid him good bye, promising to see him soon (Facebook and cell phones were not so popular back then).

Years passed and I never heard from him.

Then one day, just before the class ten board exams a friend informed me that N.P. was no more. He went on a vacation to Goa with his family to celebrate Christmas and drowned at the beaches on 25 December. His family found his body the next day.

I miss him, always did, always will. I wish I could tell him how good it was to have him as a friend. But by now he probably knows.
Flipping through the pages of the old school yearbook brought back memories of him.

Rest in peace my friend. I know you are in a better place even though its not here with us. Your presence still lingers here but I wish you could stay longer.

Maybe...

You know how parents say - " you're too young to understand", "when you get older" or "you're no ready for it yet"? Well, they never told us that the shift from the symbolic "young" to the much-awaited "adult" will not have a transition period. It is just thrust on you when you least expect it. All you can do is do your bit in the unfolding of events and go along with the tide... Or you can make a mark in the world to claim "Here...here is where I had stood against those who were there only to pull me down from my goals."

A time comes in life, when you start to question the meaning of your very existence .. That maybe, for all the glamour that others see in your life, maybe you are nothing at all -- that maybe it's the pomp and show that is the facade and you yourself have no essence; no value in life...